Faithlit

To him you are just another doll.

2012-02-11T06:25:00.000-08:00

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

-Erica Jong

"You spend your whole life learning what you shouldn't care about. Until one day you find out that you didn't care enough."

"I guess certain things are just different even though they are still the same."

Orientation Camp has ended. Schoolwork officially pouring in. Catching up with work has never been such a chore. Biology lessons became such a dread. I miss my J1 teachers. I miss Mrs Tan the most. Sometimes I missed the past and I want them back. But they will never be the same. Never.

J2 life is really different- Apart from the busy and hectic school timetable, annoying homework calling out for me 24/7, tuition and make-up lessons every day without fail- but I really really sincerely genuinely truly appreciate all the people around me, who listen to my incessant rants, who advise me when I did something really unforgivable, who tolerates my nonsense when I saw (fill in the blank yourself hahah) and who are all 18-years-old, mature and so easy to click and talk to.

Just in case you don't know, I wished I was the one you were talking about. You were talking about.

Scientists', OG26, OGLs, Family.

2012-02-04T21:10:00.001-08:00

“You’re still here but I am still the sea. And as peaceful as I seem, please don’t ever turn your back on me.”

It started abruptly. It ended suddenly.
I still remember making the announcement for the recruitment of OGLs' with Evelyn, Ting Yong and Brendan. It was so vivid like it just happened yesterday but yesterday was when everything ended.
Or the first training when we have no idea what should an OGL do.
The first family meeting with Scientists' and we feel slightly uncomfortable with one another.
Making fun of one another with the third-party, fourth-party and fifth-party jokes.
Becoming so close that we hang out together so often during the December Holidays to do homework.
Not to forget Leon's birthday party, going home at 1am, or just chatting at Holland Village Wendy and Haagen Das.
Telling them what troubles me most.
Not to forget spending our New Year Eve together,
The first Prep Camp and consoling one another when Clara, Darren and Jon re-shuffled.
Nevertheless, we are still one family.
Partnering with Shaun to take care of OG26,
Guessing one another's mind about our secret crush,
and becoming super attached to OG26.

Sometimes, I just wished that you were here, right beside me.
Not standing from a far, but just here.

World

2012-01-27T18:44:00.000-08:00

"For where all love is, speaking is unnecessary."

-Diana Gabaldon

You mean so much now, to a point that your smile is all I need.
All I need to make my day.

Do all things with love.

2012-01-23T06:23:00.000-08:00

"What you have lost will not be returned to you; it always be lost. You're only left with your own scars to mark the void. All you can choose to do is go on, or not. But if you go on, it's knowing you carry your scars with you." -Charles Frazier.

"The best way out is always through." -Robert Frost.

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius.

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go." -Daniel Stern, The Wonder Years.

Is this what everyone mean, that the things, the people, the faith that you held so dearly, held so firm, are just an illusion.
Sometimes, I wished I have someone who will just be by my side whenever I'm feeling so hopeless.
Someone whom I can say nothing to, but who just understand.

Soulmate.

Words left unspoken

2012-01-15T02:57:00.000-08:00

"To the world you may just be one person but to one person you may just be the world."

Thinking of you makes me happy.
At the same time, it is ruining me.

Hearts change, people change, life moves on.
Memories stay.
I miss you.

Love always wins.

2012-01-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.
The tension of opposites?
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted."
"A tension of opposites, like a rubbe band.And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."
So which side wins, I ask?
"Which side wins?"
He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
"Love wins. Love always wins."

-Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

Reading Tuesday with Morrie has became my every new year resolution.
Anyway, many things happened after 2011 ends. Good ones. :)
I hope it stays this way, till the end.

Preparing for Estella's farewell video. Cried as we did it.

Last night of 2011 was spent with them! ;)

Temporal beauty.

Beautiful things never stay. They never stay.

Maple's birthday celebration.

Awesome catching up with councillors.

Old friends, never forgotten.

New friend, always remembered.

Farewell gathering. Okay, it sounds like an oxymoron, hahah.

Adeline.

Communication Committee!
Bojiang has officially turned into a sissy hahahahahahaha

Most beloved Talkbox Gang! ^_^

Shaun! :)

My most-likely-partner for Orientation 2012

Rebecca (L)

The most awesome 31st President, Rebecca, Yvette and me.

Adeline.

Ting Yong.

And the friendship I wanna keep forever, Evelyn.

I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, I'll never let you go
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, Don't leave me here alone
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you nowCome morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window

Darling, everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby
Even when the music's gone
GoneJust close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Just close your eyes
You'll be alright
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound...

I want to know what you think, how you feel. But I think it's pointless now. Telepathy, telepathy.
It won't last, but I will just cherish every single moment when you're near.
You won't stay. I wished. But still.
The end is reaching.

2012

2011-12-25T05:21:00.000-08:00

2011

Got posted into Jurong Junior College, OG8.

Chose subject combinations, BCML, 11S06.

Met new friends ^____^

Real ones.

And we have to choose our CCAs.

Stuck with Council, Tough Rugby, Debates.

Chose Student Council.

Then, they were my closest.

Things changed.

I became super close to this girl, Ong Shihan (Twin)

Not to forget, Jaime.

All the crazy things we did,

encouraging each other to hang on,

and waiting for one another to finish work so that we can go home together.

Got into a super cute Project Work Group JJ065

and got super close to them.

Gradually, TY created "The Talkbox Gang."

Brendan got super jealous after seeing this picture, hahah.

We had so much fun. So much fun.

I became a little closer to Council.

And got super close to this girl, Evelyn.

However, "Play hard, Study hard."

Promos was tough, but I wasn't alone.

Parti-ed super hard after Promos.

Nobody mentioned anything about retaining.

Cherishing the last time as 11S06.

Life moves on.
We have to conquer Project Work OP and Chinese 'A' Level.

And after that, OGL Selection.

It was a tough time because I was so sure that I could not get in.

And all the way, Talkbox Gang was with me. Council was with me.

I was so happy, so happy being an OGL.

Got into the "Scientist" family and was so happy.

That I forgot about them.

Got super super super close with her,

Doing stupid things together,

Doing crazy things,

And influencing one another.

We have no sense of direction, hahaha.

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU ^_^

Not to forget the girl who is always there to be my listening ear,

And the old uncle who claimed that I am his elder sister when I am so much younger :(

Jonathan made everyone more involved in Bikila

Was so busy that I almost forgot about them.

The sick jokes we made ;)

The crazy times I had shouting into their ears :D

Taking cute photos

and not to forget, UNGLAM ones too :D

You shall remember this forever muahahahaha

I have the most supportive and loving family

who accepted me when i am a little abnormal hahaha

and because everything was too good to be true,

I often wondered if they will end unknowingly.

but you see,

HAVE FAITH :D

AND BE BRAVE ;)

Bye 2011, thank you for being such an awesome year. So much better than 2010.

2012 will be better, wouldn't it? :D :) :P

hehe.

Thoughts

2011-12-24T04:30:00.000-08:00

I miss those drama days, those days when I got so distraught that Mrs Tan had to come into the picture and tell me to stay strong and face life with optimism. I miss those times when you drove me into tears that I started hating the whole human population. I miss those times when you insulted me, when you called me stupid, when you kept mentioning that I am the cause of someone's death. I miss being abused by you, both emotionally and physically. I miss those times wishing that at least someone would see the pain in my eyes and tell me that I'd be fine and the only person who did that is Mrs Tan. I miss those days because at least I know I am stronger and I found my aspiration that is to be a psychologist and to deal with emotionally abused people by you because that is the greatest revenge one can have.

You told me to forget you, but I am sorry, I tried and I can't. I will never have.
And remember when I told you that I'll have my revenge, you cried on the phone and told me not to?
I'll still have revenge. But in a different form.
To find someone better. To be better. To forget you. And to be a psychologist who shall give treatment to your next unlucky girl.

Abandon Everything.

2011-12-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” -Dave Mattehews

"You know you really care when you have to try to convince yourself that you don't."

"There are few people whom I really love, and fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and everyday confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense."

-Jane Austen

On a Saturday night, I went Star-gazing with Evelyn. Talked about everything, anything under the stars. Revealed my deepest fear and deepest secret to her and cried. Was never so comfortable to shed a single tear in front of a friend.

Me: Evelyn, this picture is so nice! :)

Evelyn: Of course lah, got me what.

Just in case you don't know, thank you for being there for me at MacDonalds' when I am most afraid of doing "First Time", your presence and faith gave me so much courage.

"I want a person who came into by life by accident but stays on purpose."

Looking at those photos and wishing so hard that we could be like how we used to be.
It's the end.

Life

2011-12-16T06:07:00.001-08:00

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
— Mother Teresa

2011-12-16T06:04:00.001-08:00

“
As I put down my pen, I know someone, somewhere is picking up theirs.

I know that someone, somewhere is playing a guitar for the first time.

I know that someone, somewhere is dipping a paintbrush and marking a field of white.

I know that someone, somewhere is singing a song that’s never been sung.

Perhaps someone, somewhere will create something so beautiful and moving, it will change the world.

Perhaps that somewhere is here.

Perhaps that someone, is you.

”

So long, friend. So long.

2011-12-13T07:56:00.000-08:00

"The worst thing about being lied to is simply knowing you weren't worth the truth."

How nice would it be to have someone precious to listen to your incessant rants, who would be there when you are feeling down, who would give you a gigantic embrace when you are all in tears and telling you that "I understand."

I used to have this friend.

You know, fights occur due to a collision of egos. People just don't learn to understand each other.
I hope you understood but I find it incredibly amusing because I don't understand myself at all.
This loneliness is unbearable. I wished you know. I wished.

Not all wounds are visible.

2011-12-05T03:43:00.000-08:00

Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don’t forget who loves you tenderly today.

I don’t really believe in regrets. All my experiences, even the worst ones, I believe they were all worth it. -Gilmore Girls

Just because you see yourself as the worst doesn’t mean that everyone sees you that way. -Unknown

If you can’t tell the truth about yourself, you can’t tell it about other people.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. -E. Foley

People have to go.
Maybe there will come this day when you will leave me like how they left.
The only exception is that your absence might drive me into insanity.
In order to lessen this emotional pain, I tried to imagine life without you, every night, every day, when you are close to me, when you did something that touched my heart.

But each time as I tortured myself emotionally, I'll end up tearing to sleep.
I can't do this.
I can't live without you.

I know it sounds stupid, but please don't leave me.
Don't go.
I want you to be there when I bring my boyfriend home and you must be there when I got married.

Stay, please.

People tend to leave.

2011-12-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

"A memory is a photograph taken by the heart to make a special moment last forever."

"How can I love when I am afraid to fall?"

"Don't get too comfortable."

It's DECEMBER :)

On the last few days before November ends...

I went home at 2.07am! Because I was with these crazy people ;)

Anyway, he is Justin! (Everyone calls him tofu though)
Apparently I became his elder sis overnight because I resembled his elder sister.
And he sent me back home that day after we sent Jiamei home! "You live so high, no wonder so scared" hahaha.

And this is Jiamei/Natalie Seah ^_^

Left handers, classmates, GP Groupmates twice in a row, PW mate, Chinese mate, OGL mate and same family!!

SHIHAN! TWIN TWIN TWIN ^^

And the friend I can never afford to lose, Evelyn.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How do be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

You shouldn't say that. You shouldn't.

Faith makes things turn out right

2011-11-27T05:02:00.000-08:00

"Do you believe in parallel universe?" -You are the apple of my eye

"Tears don't mean you are losing. Everyone's bruising."

"People hold onto things because they think nothing better will come." -Via Tumblr

I like you. Told the whole world about Donkey. Got so excited when I saw Donkey.
But when it comes to you, I just wished that nobody knows.
You won't care. Because there are so many pretty/capable/smart girls out there for you to pick and have fun with.
You won't care. Because I am just a friend and you are trying so hard to get rid of me.
You won't care. Because we are no longer gonna be as close next year.
I can't be myself in front of you. I feel weird when you dance/interact/talk to other girls. But had to constantly tell my brain to send signals to my heart that you don't matter, you don't matter but actually you already mean something to me.

No, you don't have to respond to my feelings. You don't have to try to get rid of me. Because these feelings belong to me. I'll take care of it myself.

Forever an apple

2011-11-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

"What do you do when you miss someone so so so much?"

"我要做個很厲害的人
改變这世界一點點
可是你知道嗎，
是你改變我正世界 "

"在我喜欢的人面前,我忽然没勇气."

"原来看见你最爱的人得到幸福时,你不会哭...而是为她感到开心."

Watched "You're the apple of my eye". It was really really good. :')

Hi, love you. ^_^

True Colors

2011-11-22T04:29:00.000-08:00

"When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." -Walt Disney

For a fleeting moment, I was so angry. So angry.
My anger then morphed into sadness. Then disappointment.

I thought that those words, those actions, or those little things you did were from the bottom of your heart. Yes, I believed that they were. I was a fool and I think I am still a fool now. I don't mind not knowing the truth because it hurts so badly. They say, "Ignorance is bliss", how true. But then again, "Knowledge is Power". Takes time to see one's true colour but I think it took me far too long. Two years I guess? I was blinded but I didn't mind. Not at all. Guess that is why people always say "Never depend on someone completely because you won't know when they will leave you." Pathetic, Ziyi, you are so pathetic. You're a fool. A real fool.

After this hard lesson, I'll protect my heart.
Hard. But I just had to.

Fiction

2011-11-20T03:09:00.000-08:00

“The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther.” ––Sylvia Plath

"You're that guy that no matter how many more guys I meet, I'll always have feelings for you." - The Notebook of Love

"Goodbye will never hurt so much unless they are forever."

Good luck in Korea! You will be in our heart.

Have I told you anything about this girl? ^^

She is Evelyn Chan!

The kind of friend who just understands my happiness/despair/agony just by looking into my eyes. So many things to say about her! But some feelings just can never be translated into words. She's a really special friend x x x :)

Next year, I would:

Go for surgery.
Perhaps, Lasik.
Overseas with JC friends ;)
Change my name to "Kate Seng"
Try my best to get into NUS Psychology. My second option would be Business. I know it's kinda surprising hahaha.

Told you that I will wait.

2011-11-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

"And every single thing you did that bothered me, is every single thing I miss."

You destroy the people you love.

2011-11-13T07:21:00.000-08:00

"Goodbye? Oh, no, please. Can't we go back to page one and do it all over again?"

"You know the difference between promises and memories? We break promises. But memories break us."

It was the first day of Chinese New Year.
Everyone was so excited.
But that morning, something was amiss.
You were not present on the dining table.
We went into your room to look for you.
But you were sleeping.
We woke you up.
We had a hard time waking you up.
When you opened your eyes, you were startled.
You started to retaliate.
You were very aggitated.
And you said... "Who are you?"

Everyone was... shocked.
I went into my room and cried.

What hurts the most? Was remembering someone who has already forgotten you.

I still remember you. Now, always, forever.

Cherish

2011-11-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

“Someone woke up today.
Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead.
Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead, before they left.
Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead, before they left, they said “I love you. Have a good day. I’ll speak to you later.”
Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead, before they left, they said “I love you. Have a good day. I’ll speak to you later. I love you. I love you.”
And they replied
“I love you.”
And they kissed them goodbye.
For the very last time.
Someone woke up today. But they won’t wake up tomorrow.”

I never thought...

2011-11-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

What am I supposed to do, what am I supposed to do.
When my heart doesn't obey my brain.

When I start missing someone whom I never thought I would.
When I fell for my best friend?

He is a player.

I am so stupid.

Still upsets me

2011-11-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

It is better to let go of something than to hold on to nothing.

I can't remember exactly when we broke up. But it was a Thursday afternoon.

365 days ago, you promised me something that you did not accomplish.

365 days after, someone said the same thing to me again.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.

November wishes

2011-11-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

“Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.”
— Steve Jobs

“When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.”
— Jim Rohn

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”
— William Burroughs

“There is only one conclusion to every story… We all fall down.”
— Domino Harvey

Chinese A level Paper 1 and 2
OGL Selection

They are all over.

You know that kind of feeling... that ambivalence.
I'm not sure what it is, but seeing you calms me down.

If only you stayed.
If only.

Alone... NOT.

2011-10-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

“On a really dark night, you can see between 1000 and 1500 stars, and there are millions more that haven’t been discovered. It is so easy to think that the world revolves around you, but all you have to do is stare up at the sky to realize it isn’t that way at all.”

I know I should not give up. I shouldn't give up.
Omg Ziyi don't give up.

Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope.
Lastly, continue hoping.

Depleting

2011-10-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”

“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.”

“What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn’t even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both.”

“All I’d ever wanted was to forget. but even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below.”

“Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you’d been before the fall.”
— Jodi Picoult

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.”
— Sarah Dessen

“No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves.”
— Haruki Murakami

I still don't know what's love.

Nothing to hide.

2011-10-21T08:39:00.001-07:00

"You try. You fail. You try. You fail. But the only true failure is when you stop trying." -Madamn Leota.

"The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know whether they will miss you or forget you."

"Girls have friends that are guys because there is so much less drama."

This week...

This friend is always by my side whenever I was feeling down and disappointed.
"Never expect to be close. And we became so close."

She's Jiamei.

And my awesome PW group, JJ065! (:
I am so glad that we managed to submit our Written Report despite all the last-minute mistakes made.

Another rare friend, Evelyn (:

And the yoga sessions every Friday evening. So hilarious.

because your presence keep me breathing.

091011

2011-10-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

before the clock strikes 12, i wished that you'd wish me happy birthday.
even if that moment is transient, i'd be so glad.
because it means, "hey, i still remember you."

but i doubt that would happen.
and after 12, goodbye for real.

Try to love the pain.

2011-10-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

Please don’t go away. Please? No one’s ever stuck with me for so long before.

–Dory (Finding Nemo)

His subtle craziness has been left behind in one of the train carriages
The wind in the subway is heavier than the memories
The whole city has been waiting for me
There is a feeling that is still drifting about

My only regret towards him is the day we broke up
My surge of tears could not stop flowing
If that moment could start all over again, I will not cry
To let him know that I can still live well

I love him zealously and madly
My dreams have been cruelly shattered yet I cannot forget
For him I once believed that tomorrow would mean the future
No matter how bad the situation may be
I refused to come to my senses

I love him till I stumbled into despair
My heart has been deeply hurt yet I cannot forget
We no longer belong in this place
What initially used to be paradise has now become absurd

If there are any regrets left, what can I do?
After being hurt and going through pain before finally understanding
Does that mean everything will be fine?
We once leaned on each other's shoulders
But now we are walking our own paths amongst the crowd

I love him zealously and madly
My dreams have been cruelly shattered yet I cannot forget
We cannot escape that the deeper the love the more we hurt one another
The deeper the reliance, the greater the emptiness
How should I love?

I love him zealously and madly
My dreams have been cruelly shattered yet I cannot forget
For him I once believed that tomorrow would mean the future
No matter how bad the situation may be
I refused to come to my senses

I love him till I stumbled into despair
My heart has been deeply hurt yet I cannot forget
We no longer belong in this place
What initially used to be paradise has now become absurd

If there are any regrets left, it is the day we broke up
My surge of tears could not stop flowing
If that moment could start all over again, I will not cry
To let him know that I can still live well

The instructor asked us to pick 3 important values in our lives.
I picked: Power, Love and Loyalty.
Then, he asked us to close our eyes and think. What kind of family portrays in our mind.

Everyone has a picture.
Minority stoned.

I am the minority.
I had none.

None.

Perhaps, it might be better if I live alone. And left alone. Not because I love isolation, but I realised that I can't commit at all.

I'm such a selfish bitch.

You're just a memory

2011-10-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

"人生不如意事常八九"

Living in a stranger's memory.
I am tired of words that contains no meaning.

So.. Ziyi, you must be a person who doesn't provide lip service.
No more disappointments. xx.

Love

2011-10-03T07:59:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ or ‘how very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

Here comes goodbye

2011-10-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

"Scars make us stronger."

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....

that was how i felt exactly when you went.
if only i held you back? omg ziyi, stop thinking about that again.

Having so much to say, but watching you walk away

2011-09-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

"Hatred won't get you anywhere; forgiveness will transform our life."

-Paulo Coelho

"All the people who had been staying in this house had gone, for the bedroom doors were shut, but it seemed to me that someone was following me, someone was chasing me, laighing. Sometimes I looked to the right or to the left but I never looked behind me for I did not want to see that ghost of a woman who they say haunts this place."

"I laughed when I saw the lovely colour spreading so fast, but I did not stay to watch it."

"It was then I saw her- the ghost. The woman with streaming hair. She was surrounded by a glit frame but I knew her" - Herself.

"Then I turned round and saw the sky. It was red and all my life was in it."

"Now at last I know why I was brought here and what I have to do.
There must have been a draught for the flame flickered and I thought it was out. I shielded it with my hand and it burned up again to light me along the dark passage."

"Lies are never forgotten. They go on and they grow."

-Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys.

I would love to read Despair by Vladimir Nabokov and Jean Eyre again after my Promotional Examination. And getting a part-time job to discover new things in me and looking at life in another direction.

09-10-11 is coming! And I think that I already received the best birthday presents from three friends. They actually took leave on that day to celebrate my birthday with me. Surprisingly, I rejected any plans with my JC friends on that day because I knew that they will use my actual birthday. Really really unexpected and touching to know that such telepathy exist among us. Thank you guys! (:

It's already 1.18am and surprisingly I am not tired. Not at all. Shall do some maths before heading off to bed. Meeting Longze, Trina and Guocong for lunch tomorrow. So jittery I don't know why.

Ttyl.

PROMOS

2011-09-27T05:57:00.001-07:00

FREAKING OUT FOR PROMOS!

:( :( :(

Marry Me ~

2011-09-23T09:05:00.001-07:00

Boy: You know what?
Girl: What?
Boy: Next time i see you, don't wear that skirt again, it's too revealing
Girl: Why? I thought you loved that skirt
Boy: Next time, wear something that reaches to your ankles
Girl: Ok whatever
Boy: A dress that reaches to your ankles.. and wear long white gloves that reach to your elbows
Girl: What?
Boy: Trust me
Girl: What are you trying to do? Hide me from everyone?
Boy: Do up your hair as well real pretty
Girl: Are you listening to what i'm saying? You're so conservative, don't choke me like this... Are you kidding me?
Boy: I'm dead serious.
Girl: You know i dont like guys who boss me around
Boy: ... Wear a veil
Girl: ... what?
Boy: Wear this ring too
Girl: ....
Boy: Marry Me

Forever

2011-09-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

Courage is the main quality of leadersip, no matter where it is exercised.

Never judge someone because you never know what they had went through to make them behave this way.

And you know..

I'll wait. I can't promise that I will wait forever, but I'll wait till my patience runs out.

Don't go yet.

The person who hurts you the most is yourself

2011-09-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

"The future may be scary, but we can't run back to the past just because it is familiar."

"Sometimes, the person you want the most, is the person you're best without."

My GP tutor mentioned this that really shocked me, "As a human, I think that you have failed when you cannot deliver your message clearly to others." I was speechless.

She is a really good GP and PW teacher. (The fact that my PW-group achieved Exceeding Expectation for our Written Report is mostly her efforts).

She believes that I could achieve a good grade for GP but I disappoint her time and time again.

She did not reprimand me. Nor did she nag at me. She encourages me.

And maybe that is why I took her for granted. Or maybe that is how everyone reacts when someone is too nice to them.

Ziyi, at least a C for GP please. I don't wanna disappoint her anymore. x.

Everyone I cared for ended up leaving me

2011-09-12T01:41:00.000-07:00

"Erotomania is a psychological disorder in which a person thinks that the person they love also loves them."

"I just wish to be happy, even if its transient."

If the guy who you like is aware that you like him, what would you do?
Oh no. :(

When you think you know me, I'll turn out to be completely different.

2011-09-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am waiting for something that it never gonna happen.
"We're worlds apart. But how I wished I could get to the other side."

It’s tough out there in the big world all alone, isn’t it?

2011-09-04T01:58:00.001-07:00

I'm telling you this because I love you. I don't wanna lose you. –Simba (The Lion King)

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow. –Zazu (The Lion King)

I passed the cards to my OGLs yesterday. Initially I feared that they would feel awkward but their message of appreciation really made my day. <3

I'll never forget people who changed my life.

Time to focus on Promos. AAA/A, yes ziyi you can do this.

You're no longer the reason for my smile

2011-09-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

A strong girl is a someone who can cry herself to sleep at night and wake up with a smile on her face.

Real confidence isn't linked with ego or empty boasts, and it's felt rather than expressed. It is a deep, serene calm that permeates all.

Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. ♥

When you think your life "sucks", just think to yourself about how many people have it worse.

#libra have high tolerance. But once pushed over the limit, you'll be erased from our memory forever.

You used to be the reason for my smile. You used to be the reason for my dreams. You used to be the reason for me to hang on till now.

But you are no longer the reason for these anymore.

It may hurt but you know.

I am no longer that vulnerable person that you've heard of.

I'll still smile.
And laugh.
And have fun.
Without you, all elses will be the same.

I'm sorry for being like this. But if you don't put in the effort when I had in the first place, why should I even care?

Seeking solace

2011-08-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

it comes a point of time when i can no longer differentiate right from wrong.

real from fake.

or rather... i can no longer differentiate who i am.

everyone has something they enjoyed doing in life.

what is mine?

Rubbish over rubbish

2011-08-29T03:38:00.000-07:00

If you ignore me, I will ignore you.
If you don't start the conversation, we won't talk.
If you don't put in the effort, why should I?

Stop acting like a kid.
Grow up and stop drinking your mother's milk.

I am not going to help anymore.
I just want to be appreciated.

Is that too much to ask from you?

Ill

2011-08-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Things to do:

Finish Organic Chemistry Revision

Start DNA Revision

Maths (Everything tested during CT + Inequalities)

GP Newspaper highlights (Tony Tan and TCB)

Literature.

It's only when I am sick when I began to dream.
Unfortunately, it was you who came into my dream.
We were dining at Swensen and at that time I thought that I was the happiest girl on Earth.

When I woke up to the reality,
I realised that those were history.

I realised that I just had a nightmare.

I think I still can't forget you.

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I still believe.

2011-08-25T05:48:00.000-07:00

Giving up is sacrificing what was rightfully yours.
Letting go is forgetting what was never yours.

If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust,the wicked people would have it all their own way:they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse. When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should---so... hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again." -Jane Eyre

Everything is changing so quickly that I find it so hard to catch up.

Including my heart.

Do what you can, with what you have and where you are.

2011-08-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

Don't expect anyone to bare the burden or run your race with you. Be prepared to go alone.

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. -Walt Disney

The things we fear makes us who we are.

"Victory belongs to the most persevering."

"Whatever comes, have to go." -Mrs Tan MT

"There is only your life, how you mess it up and who is there to save you...
Or who isn't. "
-For One more Day

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious as to when you open your heart." -eletheow

If you really care for someone, your actions will tell. Naturally.
You are a friend who taught me a lesson: Never judge a book by its cover.
This is not friendship. Nor is it love. This is just sympathy.
Facebook may be a convenient tool for communication. But surely, your form of "concern" failed its purpose. There is no sincerity (It's value diminished at that moment when you mentioned it to the public). Nor does it show how kind-hearted you are.

It tells me the otherwise. Or rather, it tells me that I was wrong.

Excuse me, who is the one who wants to get guy's attention now?

I don't want to be fooled again. Now that I use my brain and piece the whole picture together, I think I got the whole story.

I shall learn smart and be cautious from today onwards.

Let it out; let it go.

2011-08-17T04:41:00.000-07:00

"I miss you a little. A little too much, a little too often and a little more each day."

"When things are tough, remember: Every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there."

"Sometimes I have to be strong, even when my whole world just fell apart."

"There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go."

It came upon my realization that I had to let go of this special person who saved me when I got drove to my breaking point.

I don't care even if you fell in love with another girl or whatsoever.

I'll still miss you and get excited whenever I see you.

And I hate myself for this.

Without any hate,
Only when i give love without holding back,
A million flowers will bloom.
Then i may return to the blooming starland i miss.

A long time ago when i arrived in this world,
I heard a small voice telling me to give love

A flower that blooms when i love,
I was told to bloom a million flowers.
Only when in true love,
The rose of love will bloom.

What is true love?
I wept distressed.
Many people have separated,
What a sad world.

Without any hate,
Only when i give love without holding back,
A million flowers will bloom.
Then i may return to the blooming starland i miss.

Even though everyone has left,
I will continue to love.
The one I’ve missed so much
came from a star to see me

Without any hate,
Only when i give love without holding back,
A million flowers will bloom.
Then i may return to the blooming starland i miss.

Whatever life throws at you... throw it back.

2011-08-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not hurt. I'm all right. I'm a lot tougher than some people think. –Mowgli (The Jungle Book)

Crying, hoping, falling down, crying again. This is how you become an adult

Sometimes, I looked at my grandmother and thought about how much time I had left with her.

And I will start crying all over again.

What will I be without her?

I'm tired of losing precious people around me. Grandfather's death has already ripped a part of me. Don't do this to me anymore. xx.

So I say, don't ever fall in love again. There is too much to lose.

2011-08-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

08/08/2011

would not be awesome without these girls!

We had this inter-house dance competition and my house, BIKILA, got the champion! :)

But that wasn't my point.

Eunice and Cindy!

youyou :)

We went to the library to study afterwards!

TWIN!

And the irreplacable lefty (:

this is my talkbox 'gang'! they made school life more interesting.
I am glad to have them.

I am aware that my biggest problem is my pride. So I hesitated giving you the letter.
But you see, no matter what I do to salvage this friendship, nothing would stay the same anymore.
I'll just let go this time round. It hurts but there is no point hanging on anymore.

Move on.

Promises

2011-08-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." -Herman Cain

"Anyone can give up. It is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand why you fell apart, that's true strength."

"Our state(feelings) determines what we do(actions). This determines our RESULTS.

Everything fell apart

2011-08-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

I cried today.

I don't know why I cried but I just cried.
Hoping that those tears could make some senses into me.

That's when I realised that I don't need anyone by my side when I am upset.
But maybe only one person.
One person whom I feel so comfortable crying to.

Just one special person.

Unbearable Pain

2011-07-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

60 more days left to promotional examination.

And I am unprepared.

Unprepared that you are leaving my life for good.
Unprepared that everyone close to me might retain.
Unprepared to cry.

I never knew that Seng Ziyi can be so scared of something. I really didn't know.

Remorse

2011-07-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

Remember to cherish those closest to you heart no matter how harsh circumstance may present itself to be. Circumstances change, love doesn't

Crying won’t help. –Doorknob (Alice in Wonderland)

People will hate you, rate you, break you and shake you. How strong you stand is what makes you.

Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life.

Miss Yamunaa gave us another lecture today.

"You can't have fun all the time. You have to give in order to achieve more in life."

"What's wrong with your class? I want each of you to stand up and tell me about it. If you guys continue to be like this, there wouldn't be anymore 11S06 next year. Mark my words."

"It's easy to have fun. Who doesn't want to have fun? BLOODY WORK HARD NOW."

"JC curriculum is the worst period of my life. I've been through this and I know it. But stay focused."

"There will only be 6 people who can get promoted if you guys progress like this. This class has no unity at all. Everyone's too selfish."

My heart torn into pieces.

Have I tried my best for myself?
Or for my seniors?

Or... for my family?

Have I tried my best to help those who are drowning?

No,

not yet.

Just not yet.

Acceptance

2011-07-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

People come in and get out of our lives. The process is so mechanical, I'm tired of retaining them. Let them walk away.

Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life.

People will hate you, rate you, break you and shake you. How strong you stand is what makes you.

Unlike other #horoscope, libra know when to automatically counsel and heal themselves internally.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

"I don't know what I should do if she were to retain."

"... I would cry really badly. For sure."

"Shouldn't you cherish the time with her even more now if you know that she were to retain? You will still cry no matter what it is."

"I don't know. Help me."

I miss how we used to be. I miss us. I miss you.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you

2011-07-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｔｏ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｔｈａｔ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈ　ｗｅ’ｖｅ　ｌｏｓｔ　ｔｏｕｃｈ，　ｙｏｕ　ｃａｎ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｃａｌｌ　ｍｅ　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｌｕｅ　ａｎｄ　Ｉ’ｌｌ　ａｎｓｗｅｒ　ｙｏｕ.

The worst feeling is being forgotten by someone you'll never forget.

In human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.

Looking at those pictures and wishing that we could stay like we did before.

I need you to come here and find me ‘cause without you I'm totally lost. –Pooh

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. –Pooh

I'll never find back that genuine smile anymore. Because the only time when I felt so real was when I was with you.
On the surface, everything looked so peaceful and serene.
But have you wondered how distraught my heart was?

I don't care if others are envious of me. Because what really mattered most is you and will always be you.

Seriously why.

Ironies

2011-07-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

Secretively wishing that we were something more.

2011-07-14T06:15:00.001-07:00

Like what twin said, this is a psychological barrier.
And I think I will never be able to get over it.
Stop worrying, Ziyi. It's time to search for something new.

2011-07-12T05:32:00.000-07:00

things that i cherished disappeared too quickly.
and i thought that they would stay by me forever.
i took too many things for granted.
including your presence.

Lethargic

2011-07-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

Funny that people forgets a person's 10000 kindnesses but remembers their only mistake

You promised you'd be there whenever I needed you, whenever I call your name. –Simba (The Lion King)

Small things become big. Winter turns to spring. One thing always changes into another. –Denahi (Brother Bear)

Sometimes I thought how it feels like to be dead. That kind of euphoria when you know that your troubles have all evaporated. Or that melancholy of not being able to see your loved ones again?

I don't know.

But really, I am tired of walking down this route that I see no meaning to it.

Spells End

2011-07-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

It doesn't feel the same.
I feel awkward and yet I don't want to be hypocrite in front of you by pretending that nothing has happened.
Neither do I have the courage to admit that I know everything and utter that delicate apology.

It's easy to act nice in front of people you don't like. They meant nothing. Nor do I want hold a significant place in their heart.
Because at that moment when I decided that once and for all, they should be eradicated out of my life, I think they should.

But it's not easy to act nice in front of people you love. Because they meant something. They meant a lot.Because they are true friends.

You're my friend.
A precious friend.
Period.

2011-07-05T05:58:00.001-07:00

and i got U for GP.
ZIYI, FUCK YOU.

2011-07-05T02:32:00.001-07:00

Enough is enough.
I've never met someone who is so petty like you. You lived up to your name man.
Once, twice and now what? Trice.
Seriously, just continue to be angry with me. I've already explained to you my stand and you are the one who is unwilling to listen.
I won't apologize for a fucking issue that you misunderstood about. And fuck, why exagerrate fucking minor issue?

I've nothing to lose. I'll make it clear again. I have nothing to lose.

2011-07-01T06:36:00.001-07:00

Shopping with Edison tomorrow. (:
I have the bestbestbestbestbest baby brother.

Mr Ang: We have another new friend next week!
Me: OMG GIRL OR BOY?!
Mr Ang: Girl!
Me: OMG OMG OMG WHAT'S HER NAMEEEEEE?!?!?!

Hahhahaha and she is from PJC!

I think I missed last year's tuition class.
Math was so fun with you both around.

2011-06-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

Truth

2011-06-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

i just realised that even though i had many heart-to-heart-talks with many people... but i never really once shared with them my true inner feelings.
and i think it's quite unneccessary.
i don't need anyone to know what i am most afraid of. i don't need anyone to ask me how am i feeling today. i don't need anyone to be there for me when i am upset.
i am used to keeping my feelings to myself. and i think i did a good job.

i am my own psychologist.

Weekends!

2011-06-27T01:21:00.000-07:00

Glucose, glucose-6-phosphate, fructose-6-phosphate, fructose-1,6-phosphate, triose phosphate, glycerate bisphosphate, glycerate phosphate, pyruvate.

2xpyruvate -> 2x acetyl CoA

Octaloacetate, citrate, a-keterocetate, succinate, fumerate, mitate. (Krebs Cycle of respiration)

And the annoying oxidative phosphorylation. ATP produced by 3 processes. OP, SLP and photophosphorylation (in photosynthesis)

I can't wait to enjoy my well-deserved weekends. I shall:

PARTY ON THURSDAY

Cut my hair

WATCH A MOVIE (the last time was last year!)

SHOPPING! (Not for books this time round!)

Find my congconghaohaotingting!

PW WR (It's gonna be excitingggg!)

REVISE ORGANIC CHEMISTRY AND FINISH TUTORIALS :(

GP COMPRE

STUDYYYYYY

SWIMMING! RUNNING!

MIND OVER MATTER.

if you dislike me, i dont mind and you dont matter.

yes bitch, you. I don't care if you call me a bitch. The bitch is calling the bitch, bitch? So who's the bitch now? Bitch.
I am a bitch. But do remember that you're one too (: We're the same species. Just that I don't like you. :(

2011-06-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

I have a sense of foreboding that I'll lose you soon.

I don't give a fuck.

2011-06-22T03:34:00.000-07:00

It disturbs me when I see teenagers writing "FML". It means, Fuck My Life. And I thought about that Thailand girl who lost both legs. Should she say FML instead?
Recurring story. 3 years ago, I would complain. But today, I've decided to be involved.
Because I am already seventeen. And because I should be responsible for everything.

Time to grow up.

you can never control me. again i said, never.

2011-06-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

brainless bitch.

i'm actually applying an alliteration on you. such beautiful things should never be applied on you.

2010

2011-06-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

They said that life itself is fraught with trails and tribulations. But why do I feel that mine is fraught with endless torture? Studying has already been a mundane task/routine and the pressure to excel is overwhelming. Sometimes, I could literally feel myself hyperventilating; I need a break. A long one indeed. Long enough for me to recuperate emotionally and mentally.

The irony of life is when love and admiration turned into hatred; when friendship and kinship turned into bitterness; when kindness and sincerity are perceived as ingenuine act.

It's sad when changes slowly adapt into your life. But it's okay.
At least I know that this life is not only meant to be lived in misery.

What a cruel world that we're living in.

If I could survive each day with at least 7 hours of sleep, I thank everyone, really.

For a fleeting moment, I thought that I would be dead. I want to be dead. I'm hurt emotionally, what's even all these injuries on my arms and legs?

At least now then I know that I am alone. But it is okay. We are born alone and we all die alone.

I have to let go of this emotion baggage, yes, I meant it. Let go.
And I promise you that I will never look back anymore.

I realised how much I missed my grandfather last year. Yes, I had a long break. And all I need to achieve now is AAA/B.
Top 5 for Chemistry and Maths, please.

Caution

2011-06-20T02:37:00.000-07:00

"I won't stop. For every minute of the rest of my life, I will fight."

One more week left to Common Tests. (I am not afraid of the tests but afraid of my exam-phobia haunting me again. It's awful.)
Two more weeks left to 'A' level Chinese Oral Examination!
And eight more weeks to 'A' level Biology and Chemistry SPA.

I got tired of studying; so I've decided to seek solace here before dating Mathematics later.

I can't wait to get into University.
Yes, NUS Psychology!
And yes, volleyball!

Woo. I think too much.(:

You are who you are.

2011-06-17T02:21:00.000-07:00

I'll never accept a guy who had more than 8 girlfriends in the past. Fucking flirtard.

And now what is so unacceptable was his ex being 100 times smarter than you.

Demoralising. :/

Communication

2011-06-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

"You ruined my impression of you. I thought you were those gentle and quiet and mysterious girl."

"Nobody will believe that you behave like this if I said it out."

Hahaha I still can't stop thinking about what happened yesterday.

I showed Choi DONKEY'S photos and he was like... "OUT OF EVERYONE WHY HIM?!" HAHAHA HIS REACTION WAS SO EPIC.

But still, it was awesome. (:

Study hard. Everyone needs you.

2011-06-13T06:17:00.001-07:00

sosososososososososososososososososososo
tired for no reasons.

Fuck everything

2011-06-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

What I learned was, the wig is not what people are drawn to. They don’t know it’s a wig. –Miley Stewart (Hannah Montana)

Why be sad, broken hearted? There’s so much to do. –Hannah Montana

Every second counts. –Colette (Ratatouille)

I tell myself that I am not afraid. –Piglet

Rafiki: “It doesn't matter, it's in the past.” Simba: “Yes, but it still hurts.” –The Lion King

What if someday there came a tomorrow when we were apart? –Christopher Robin

There's some things you just can't change. –Phil (Hercules)

I think of you and the past so much that I just wanted to scream and shout and cry.
And I feel so fucking stupid. While everyone is studying, I am still burying myself in those memories.

I HATE MYSELF.

Chose to ignore

2011-06-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

I thought it was easy to forget someone who you once loved dearly and hated intensely; I should have already forgotten you but I still thought about you.

Those Sunday mornings when we were out at 313 for breakfast. Those times when we met earlier for shopping before Mr Ang's tuition. Those movie times and walking in Cineleisure at 11pm. Or bringing me to Singapore Flyer and telling me that I am a strong girl and you'll forever be there for me.

Guess what now? We are not even SMSing when you said that we can still be friends forever.

You were the one who suggested a break-up and I don't know if I should feel glad that this break spells the end of my troubles or feel sad that I lost someone who I trust so much.

But whatever it is, I hope you are doing well in SP.

And Donkey will always be someone I need to stop thinking about you.

Written in the Stars

2011-06-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

When the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will lose you because it's just a dream. –Pooh

Tmr shall be a brand new day. It will be. :) -Lefty

Hey Eunice, have I ever told you how comfortable I felt when I hear your voice? (: Hahah, you're an awesome friend to hang out and shopping with.

With Jaime, Jianie, Jiamei, Rouwei, Esther, Shihan, Brenda and Yufeng around, my ':(' became ':D'.

Thankfully I chose 11S06.

People I love

2011-06-04T05:38:00.000-07:00

"Do you have someone that you want to forget?"

I nodded.

"Could that person whom you want to forget, forgotten you?"

The voice faded away, "Memories are everywhere."

At that moment, I let a tear down; hoping so much that my picture of you retain in my memory forever.

Recalls.

2011-05-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

"I think it is a matter of love; the more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is."

In 2007, we talked about friendship; we see how people betray one another; we talked about naive stuff like ponytails.

In 2008, we talked about studies; we started discussing about relationships; we started planning for our future.

In 2009, I was in a relationship; I took things for granted; I started hating humans; I started withdrawing myself from the crowd; I realized that I was born to tackle problems alone.

In 2010, I felt the agony of losing someone precious; I was tramatised everyday; I started having phobia about everything; I think I suffered from depression; Thankfully, boss brought me out of this misery; and I ended my relationship.

In 2011, I started re-contacting the seniors whom I've lost contact with; I learnt to cherish my friends even more; I made new and reliable ones; I started loving Chemistry more than usual; people who were once my motivation became my motivation again; and I realize that I still ____ you.

Things might have changed,
but you know.

You're forever in my heart.
I wished I was the one you were talking about that day.

2011-05-31T09:38:00.001-07:00

Fuming mad.

Can you please care?

Because one brain is not enough!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGH.

June

2011-05-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

"Plan to fail, fail to plan."

Things to get done:

Plan my time well.

(Urgent) GPP and Council Proposal.

Chemistry tutorials (so that I won't be so busy during Term 3)

Biology and Chemistry SPA notes.

Revise H2 Maths Differentiation!

GP Homework!

Chinese storybook read-up.

And to think that I still have the time to visit my friends and seniors in Ngee Ann Poly today.
But they made me realize something.

It's okay to take a break in life.

Realisations

2011-05-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

The beginning is always the hardest, don't give up so easily.

It's 2.08am and I just had my dinner.
I have work tomorrow at 12pm and I am reluctant to go.
I feel so drained and helpless and weak.
My heart yearns for someone to talk to. Someone who would not judge me when I confess to him/her my inner thoughts and feelings.
Impossible. Humans are complexing creatures and you never know what they will think or talk about you. I knew that and experienced this misery for 2 years and I am still pinning to an impossible dream. Foolish as always.

This world is cruel and the reality is harsh.
So many things that happened this week distraught me. As much as I wanted to tell someone about it, I realised that it is not necessary. Who can ease your situation other than your own heart?

You are alone.
Forever alone.
Indeed, you have friends.
But they have their own lives to lead.
Family?
They have their own problems to deal with.

And I got so tired with the fact that simple things are turning ugly and complicating.
Just stay true, please.

Speechless

2011-05-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

Whatever happens, has happened, or will happen,

I still believe in Love, whatever orthodox,

unorthodox, ordinary or extraordinary form it takes.
Never give up Hope.

Expecting people to remember something and you taking it so lightly, seemingly, doesn't sound very nice to me.

I got tired of remembering.

I closed my eyes... and wished.

2011-05-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

When I'm with you, I don't feel so alone. –Hercules

11S06 spent a Friday night together watching Macbeth @ Fort Canning!
The show was awesome (I love the 3 witches) and we saw Adrian Pang! :)

She's Jianie!
Met up with Eunice, Rouwei, Jiamei, Jaime and Jianie and we took the school bus to fort canning ;)

I think everyone close to me know her by now!

She is Jaime! We call one another 'baobei'

And she's my closest closest friend in JJC!

Justin, me, Rouwei and Jiamei!
We worked together for PW!
And we work well together! :)

She is Eunice!

We will rush to bukit batok every Friday right after CCA for Mr Ang's class!

And we laughed at whatever things Mr Ang said together.
;)

She is Cheryl!
I call her the "literature" and "GP" God!
I feel comfortable telling her about some sensitive issues.
So comfortable.

(L)

She is Jiamei!

My lefty (we are both left-handers) as well as my awesome team-mate for PW!

The both of us always write "SO EXCITED FOR PW MEET-UP" on twitter every Sunday!

Yeah, you guys know her.

None other like TEAM 065 (:

JAIME CHAY HUI YI! (L) (L)

BELOVED EUNICE!

I am her COCO!
And she is my ANNETTE!

She's Brenda!

And together, we are 11S06!

What will I be without you?

JJ065!

2011-05-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Meet my awesome PW team-mates!

Justin! (I call him Tofu!)

Jia Mei! (I call her lefty ~)

And Rou Wei! (Our one and only rourou~)

No words can describe how blessed I am to work with them.

Let's ace our PW together, alright?

Because we're a TEAM. :)

Together Everyone Achieve More.

She's going to China tomorrow. And I don't want her to go.

But what else can I do? When all I wanted to see is just her smile.

Have fun, and I'll miss you.

I tried so hard to just forget. But I can't.
I hope you're revising well for your "A" level.
Because that's one reason why I need to avoid you.

2011-05-14T04:05:00.000-07:00

"We will fall in love again. But just not with one another."

It gets a little ironic when some people are talking bad about other people: and what they were talking about are actually what really describes them? ;)

Hey imbecile, don't forget that you are dealing with a girl who loves mad people.

I might not be saying anything now. But that doesn't mean that I don't know anything.

Because like you, I'm crafty too.

If things got out of hand, I will embarrass your past in front of the whole student population. Like how you have already killed me at that moment when I was forced into isolation.

Violence, mad people, death, isolation, hapless situation, despair, blackmail, threatens, police calls ... Hey imbecile, I've been through all these and really, I don't how why I have the courage to live on.

And now I know why.

To be a psychologist. And to deal with a fucking flirt like you.

I will retaliate soon. Give me time to strategize.

Have all beautiful things sad destinies?

2011-05-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

I miss being young.

2011-05-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

I WILL QUIT. SERIOUSLY I WILL. IF ALL THAT I CAN LEARN IS ALL THESE SHIT.

2011-05-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

JUST FOR THIS WEEK,

I'LL STAY AWAY FROM FB AND TWITTER

I PROMISE.

Friendship?

2011-05-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

If talking bad about me makes you feel good, go ahead and talk then.
If pointing out on someone's mistake make you feel even better, go ahead and do it then.

My final goal is just to get AAA/A.
And all I urged myself to do now is to close my ears and eyes to whatever that may hurt and affect me.

To think that you are my friend.
You're not a friend. Friendship should not be spelt this way. No.

Complicated Issues

2011-05-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

It comes this day when you just want to cry, you just want to hit something, you just want to rant and rant.

I thought that everything would be much more simpler - hey, I am seventeen, how much more complicated life would be when everyone is so much more matured?

I just realised that the older we get, the harder we tried to conceal ourselves; jealousy that was shown indirectly; words that got twisted and rephased; injustice; practically everything.

Things got so complicated to the extent that I just want to take a break. I need a break. I need a break from you and eveything that you will do to make good use of me.

I got really annoyed.

And I got really tired.

Spare a thought for them, please?

Spare a thought for my inner anguish, please?

Save those we are drowning, would you?

I can't do this alone.

Like you, I am only a human.

An ordinary one.

I'm really tired.

Stand there and hear me cry. I think it is enough.

2011-05-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Strangers, again.

I wanna call your name forever, and you will always answer forever. –Pooh
If I can’t be what they want of me, then what am I to do? –Tarzan
"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for for tomorrow." -Albert Einstein

Hey, I miss you.

Some overdued photos from

JJ TALENTIME! :)

JJ Talentime with 11S06 was awesomeeeee.

Because Jaime was our emcee that day and the class went to support her!

Brenda, Jaime and me! The focus is on the poster anyway. :)

She is Lydia!
And we talked so much that night. So much.

This is what you do when you went there too early.

Rouwei! She is my super responsible PW partner!

Jia Mei, Eunice, Rouwei, Jianie, Lydia and me!

It's okay. It's not as though we were never once strangers.

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

2011-04-30T23:36:00.001-07:00

"What are words when you don't mean them when you say them? -What are words. (Then they are not words.)

"I got tired of a solitary life."
"Don't allow your wounds to transform into someone you are not."
"Wearing failure like a badge of honour."
"Everything will be fine. (:"
"Tough times don't last but tough people do."
"Do it now, do it fast, do it right."

This is not easy. But I am going to do it.
You must be a strong person.

Just be strong.

Time to say goodbye.

2011-04-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. –Stinky Pete (Toy Story 2)

Everything started badly today.
I woke up late for school. Got punished by Vice-Principal. My necklace broke apart. Almost got drove over by a lorry. Got scolded by mom.

And I realised that everything is revolving around you.

I hate this. Seriously.
And I can't stop myself from being so sarcastic.
Hey, sorry.

It's time to let go.

Promises

2011-04-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

The world is cruel. The world is wicked. It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole city. –Frollo (Hunchback of Notredame).

It is JJ Talentime tomorrow! :)

And I promise to be diligent and focused after tomorrow.

Just one more day to forget entirely, please.

One True Time

2011-04-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Fear, jealousy, delusion.

All mixed together.

Help?

Yearning

2011-04-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

This is what I'd usually do on a Sunday night:

Rushing to complete my homework and revision.

But tonight is different.

It's 12.22am now and I just had my dinner. Odd timing but guess I just have to torture myself in this way to be somewhat stronger.

I shall complete my carbohydrate revision before I sleep.

because I got really tired thinking about you.

Oh, I still remembered what I told Chinee when we were lying on the track and staring at the starry sky.

And I wished that you heard it.

Because what I told her was meant to be heard by you.

xo.

You

2011-04-22T01:57:00.000-07:00

A part of me is saying that you are not worth remembering.
And another part of me is telling me that you're definitely worth remembering.
Whichever way it is, you have already walked out of my life.
And so... why am I still reminiscing about the lingering memories?

I don't know whether to miss you or to hate you.
All I know is, I miss and hate the past that we had.
I wished so much that you can be erased from my mind... but apparently, you're the one who know me best and I know you the best as well.
No, it doesn't hurt anymore. Nor do I want to see you again.

But I just miss talking to that special person who knows me almost completely again.

Anger

2011-04-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

If you must say yes, say it with an open heart. If you must say no, say it without fear.

Tell me what I should fucking do.

-

2011-04-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

Stupid. Why am I always so stupid?

Stupid.

Brainless.

Moron.

Beyond stupidity.

Really

Really

Stupid.

You know humans.

Yet you're still so dumb.

Forever dumb.

Stupid.